Agape: God's love

I used to think that I had the know-all when it comes to love - I even proudly parroted the famous definition, "Love is an intelligent willingness to do what is best for the other person" - until I had to face up to someone whom I find so difficult, even impossible at times to love.

I mean, how do you love someone who takes your kindness for granted? How do you stay patient at someone who shouts at your parents one day and asks for money the next day? How do you bear with someone who lies to you repeatedly, is unrepentant and malicious in words and action? How does anyone find in themselves the capability to love someone like that?

I thought it impossible and beyond me to do such a thing. Until I witnessed my own longsuffering parents continually opening their arms to embrace a unpenitent child. Time and time again, they did so in spite of their own misgivings and heartaches - knowing full well that by doing so, they are exposing themselves to more pain. I couldn't understand why. One night, in exasperation and anger, I retorted to my father, "Do you know how hurt I am [because of her actions]?"

My father answered, "She hurt me more. I am the one who gave her life and brought her up."

And I kept quiet because it was true. The pain I feel now is nothing in comparison to my father's. At that moment, I asked God, how is it even possible to love an unlovable person like her? Why is my father so silly?

Then I thought of myself. How filthy, how sinful and how depraved I am to demand for answers when I myself am not any better. Each time I sin, I turn away from His loving gaze to hanker after the fickle, temporal pleasures of the flesh. Each time I sin, I spit in contempt at His Son's work on the cross. Each time I sin, many times consciously, many times deliberately, I grieve God more than I'll ever know. And yet He never lets up. He even sent His beloved Son to die for the sins of such as me, someone so unworthy, so filthy, so repulsive.

My earthly father's love, however impossible a standard I think it is, is ultimately imperfect and impermanent. My heavenly Father's love in comparison is perfect, and eternal. Today, I get a glimpse and a better appreciation of His love for me. Maybe He has put me through this difficult trial in order to transform my theoretical understanding of His love into one that I am truly convicted about. I'm just getting started; I'll take eternity to learn and cherish His love for me.

How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure
That he should give his only son, to make a wretch his treasure
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turned his face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one, bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross, my sin upon his shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held him there until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life; I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ; his death and resurrection
Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart: his wounds have paid my ransom